you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
