Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
