yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
