No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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