Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
