I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
