I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
