Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

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(512): View more from Texas

We need a plan...

(1-512): View more from Texas

Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.

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(940): View more from Texas

You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...

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(585): View more from New York

I couldn't have possibly been that bad

(716): View more from New York

You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...

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