I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
