she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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