i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
