I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
