What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
