the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
