how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
