I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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