the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
