I'm drive I can fine osifer
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
