This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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