also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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