I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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