I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
