I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
