my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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