Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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