You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
