Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
