my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
