The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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