You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
