is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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