yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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