I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
