i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
