The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
