woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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