I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
