I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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