I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
