I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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