He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
