so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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