Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
