I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're too hungover to prance.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
