All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
