that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
