I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
