How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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