also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, he came in my armpit
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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