Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
