On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
