Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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