But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I pour the whiskey from now on
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
