He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
handjob tips. give me some.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
