he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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