I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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