Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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