Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
