I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
